What can we do when our child is falling behind in school? A distraught parent, who is also an English teacher, asked me what she could do to help her 13-year-old son from being kept down a grade.

One could undoubtedly write several books on this topic, but here are some initial steps to try.  Notice what’s working, and change if you don’t see any positive results.

If you get bored reading this blog at any point, please skip to number 6; it’s the most interesting.

1. Check for neurological problems

Check the child does not have any neurological problems such as attention deficit disorder or dyslexia.  These issues are surprisingly common today and if diagnosed, the child may benefit from extra help.

2. Put in more effort

There is no magical cure. To improve takes effort. Therefore, I suggest arranging for a private tutor to help the child in one subject.  If it were my child, I would have the tutor for an hour a day in one subject, the same subject every day!  I would hope that from massive input on one topic, it would improve tangibly, giving the child new confidence in their ability to learn. Hopefully, that confidence would have a knock-on effect, increasing motivation and results across the board.  As for finding the money to pay for this, if there is no available money in the family budget, then it could come out of the child’s leisure budget – money you would have spent on an outing, or a present, goes to the tutor.  That’s called tough love!

3. Notice if what you try is working

If you get no results from the tutor and your child is still falling behind in school, try a tutor with a different approach.  OR try massive input in an other subject and see if you make any headway there instead.

Try teaching through games and activities that appeal to different learning styles. For private tutors and parents, try these one to one games to work on spelling and elementary language skills. If working online, then these ESL Online Games are what you need.

4. Be supportive and stay positive

Avoid negative comments about the child’s ability to learn.  You might tell them off for having a poor attitude, but you never want to humiliate a child or make disparaging comments. Instead, you want to be encouraging, to give hope, and make the child feel like they can succeed.  There’s no need to exaggerate or overdo it, just find some positive points to praise and nurture. You don’t want to make them feel stupid, so they give up.

Too much pressure can be counter-productive.

5. Never give up!

Never give up on your child. If you give up, your child will feel it, and that may be the nail in the coffin of his/her academic learning.

6. But DO adapt your expectations!

BUT, there is no point forcing your child through academia if he or she has no talent for it. Some children are lazy. Others can’t see the point and think they know better. But some just can’t handle it, and that’s the reality. The sooner you wake up to it, the better.

Don’t be disparaging about alternative routes of study. This is valid for teachers, not just parents. If you insinuate that failing academically, or switching to a technical course rather than an academic one, means failing in life, your child could become anxious and even depressed. (Some commit suicide.)

Here’s the scenario: Two parents, both high achievers, both believe in the academic route. Both believe that failing in school means a lesser life. Their 3 children know this. Failure in school means closed doors, low pay and a diminished life. Yet all three are failing despite having had private tutors 6 days a week for the last 4 years.  The kids don’t do any extracurricular activities because they have no time. Those will only come when their school work improves.  Four years of school + private tutors. HELLO….dear parents, your children are suffering an impoverished childhood because of your misplaced academic ambition.

7. Hobbies and passions

Make sure the child has a hobby, such as dance, music, sport, drama or art that he or she has a passion for.  Achievement in any sphere is positive for the child. Make time for that hobby or passion!  Do not leave your child stuck with the paper and pen alone! Your child may have other skills and areas of genius, as Albert Einstein said: “Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Self-esteem is key to success. Find something, anything, your child is good at or enjoys.

8. Great resources to keep your child from falling behind in school

Private Tutors and Parents Homeschooling: See how I teach English one to one through games